That’s what makes you masculine

I received some distressing news recently Fuicazoids. My older sister Carolyn has been doing some research on our family history and it turns out that we have some viking ancestor’s down the line.

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With this news, i also found out that some of my relatives were genetically gifted with “viking strength.” You would think that this is pretty awesome, but does it look like i was gifted with viking strength? No. I think i was gifted with the “let’s show the world that God has a sense of humor.” trait. BUT you know who was gifted with it? Carolyn. It all makes sense now why she’s so strong. Unfortunately for me, double X chromosomes over here got the better hand of toughness over yours truly. I try to avoid arm wrestling challenges in public because im afraid of her beating me. Not “if” she would beat me. She would totes win. Something’s not right here.

When she first told me i said, “How come i don’t have viking strength like you?” and then she humbly said, “Some of us were just gifted with it.” Because Carolyn is very kind, and would say something like that so i wouldn’t feel sad.

HOWEVER

In my mind…..

Daniel: “How come i don’t have viking strength like you?” Carolyn: “LOL if you were put here to serve any purpose at all, it would be to wash my clothes and rub my nasty feets!” Daniel: “Eww! You already don’t pay me to sort your knick knacks, why would i bother to do that?” Carolyn: “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice squib. Now get rubbing!” Daniel: “Maaa! Do something about this!” Mom: “I was obligated to have you.”

Isn’t everything so much better in my mind?

This is so unfair! It doesn’t make sense that my sister is the strongest one in our family. This really got me thinking about myself. I need to step up my game. I need to prove myself to society that i’m no chicken wing. (chicken wing?)

I could start working out? Nah, at my height id walk around looking like a meatball. Bon Appetit! I could fake my way to physical masculinity actually. Make people think that im y’know…tough. Just like Spongebob with his anchor arms. No hair feature this time. And i have just the plan. This will make a statement to all you girl scouts.

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…..No? Still not convinced!? You guys really play hard to get.

Much discussion is going on in the Fuica household regarding strength. Turns out, the “weakest” ones voted in my family are my little sister Karen….and I. Oh, HELLS NO. There is no way on God’s green earth that Tiffany (youngest sister) is stronger than i am, and Paulie? Seriously? LOL.

“Hey, i might not be strong but i have endurance!” – Karen. Those are wise words beyond your age sister, too bad you possess little endurance. Endurance is the ability to stay active for a long period of time, and I can’t even count how many times you’ve fallen asleep on me during a movie, (with drool if im lucky) and if i don’t get that, than i get the more than occasional “Daannieellll whats going ooooon?”

FOR THE LOVE OF JEBUS WOMAN WATCH THE FILM AND YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE REVEALED. In conclusion, negative endurance. You lack, YOU LACK!

She’s so sweet, God bless her heart. But seriously. Freakin’ pay attention to the movie better or gtfo. And that doesn’t stand for “Get the fudge out.”

Although seriously, bring out the fudge. i can go for some fudge at any time. Fudge is freaking delicious.

I firmly stand behind the belief that i am indeed very masculine. Just last week i watched the the Dawson’s Creek series finale and cried for only 40 minutes, that’s really saying something. Not many could hold their liquor like that, and you BEST believe that my face scruff grows a decent half inch every 3 weeks. Impressed?

As a matter of fact, i guarantee that underneath all the typical male bravado that the average “dude” will showcase, there’s a sensitive, Notebook embracing, cuddle encouraging softie struggling to express himself. Every man has it hidden, i kid you not! But that’s not shown because theres some need to make a statement in a society that demands “man”. Well i have no problem admitting that im a sensitive dude. Does that make me less of a man? Hells no. I believe honesty, genuine care, intuition, and comfort with who you are and what you enjoy determines true strength. And strength is what the “masculine” man should possess. Not throwing around one of those foosballs. So in a way, me being open with my sensitivity makes me stronger and more masculine than most of the jokers out there. That includes you Chuck Liddell!

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Screw you and your poser Faux hawk!

Masculinity isn’t about shooting hoops, packing heat, or scoring chicks (pervert!) Masculinity is about being true to who you are!

That’s what makes you beautiful. And THAT’S what makes you masculine!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

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Seriously though if it bothers you that much than just get a Mom tattoo. Easiest trick in the book.

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The Quentin Tarantino appreciation post?

It was a cool sunday evening, the evening of February 24th. At the end of a weekly family day, the whole Fuica house was in a near slumber. A much needed one for the grueling labor demanded from the school or work day ahead of them.

All was well. – Harry Potter

Suddenly….a loud noise rang from the basement

“YES! WOO!”

What could it be?

Well im glad you ask. Cause it was me. (rhyme intended, Hip hop remember?)

Yes, it was in the late evening of the 85th academy awards where the one and only Quentin Tarantino won Best Screenplay (script) for his masterpiece film Django Unchained, one of the great honors the award show has to offer.

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And it was then where I, the one and only Daniel Fuica, started fan-girling like a little B.

To be completely honest, the setting was me lounging in the basement on a couch, wearing my sisters polka dotted robe, while munching on a bag of popcorn, with a tablet next to me while clutching the imaginary hand in anticipation for the best screenplay award, as if i was winning it. My excitement was equivalent to Mr.Tarantino’s im sure. It was then when i thought, “Is this why im alone?”

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I made it pretty obvious that i freaked out when he won, and rightfully so. His latest film was a masterpiece as well as most of his others. To those who don’t know Quentin Tarantino is, He’s one of the favorited Director/Screenwriters of our time. DUH.

You know its a Tarantino movie right away from his unparalleled style. Take just these opening credits for example. The classic title theme, The landscape with its beautiful colors, the classic spaghetti western zoom shots, even the text looks great. Not to mention the whip with it adds some swag, you gotta hand it to him.

 

I’ve always been a fan of how a movie’s credit opens, but this one is so creative yet so simple that it works perfectly. I’ll hand it to some other movies that had some cool openings though, like the X-men series. In its opening you pretty much take a hell train through the DNA of a mutants body.

Now that i think of it…that’s kind of gay. That’s something that you would probably see if they made a Grey’s Anatomy movie. And thank GOD that’s never happened. However after the news of Star Wars 7, im aware that anything is possible. So cross your fingers that’ll you’ll never see the day of…

GREYS ANATOMY: THE MOVIE….?

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Wait that’s not the right one! That’s the Steven Soderbergh movie! Wait…why am i making an effort to defend Grey’s Anatomy?

Quentin’s movie are usually filled with unforgettable dialogue, colorful characters, and VIOLENCE. However, to justify the brutal intensity that can occur, the violence is often relevant to what’s going on and brief. There’s never violence for no reason, and sometimes even necessary to really feel whats going on. (Mandingo fight in Django)

What’s so great about the dialogue is that its often so casual, yet extremely entertaining to listen to. Take this scene from Quentin’s directorial debut, Reservoir Dogs for example. Mr.Pink (Steve Buscemi) making a bizarre point to why he doesn’t tip.¬†WARNING: Language

 

I was going to throw in the opening Madonna “like a virgin” scene….but i think i’ll pass. God forbid your mom walks by and they see a video like that on my blog. It’ll ruin my flawless reputation! Plus it’ll embarrass my parents because, “I didn’t raise my son that way!”

While displaying the creative dialogue that’s a given in a Quentin Tarantino movie, He also demonstrates diversity with his characters, something that is a highlight as well. Below is just one of the many classic character’s from the mind of Tarantino. Lt. Aldo Raine, a Jewish American soldier vowing revenge and terror on the “Nat-see” soldiers who terrorize his people. Raine vows one hundred “Nat-see” scalps from each soldier individually, and he wants his scalps. (Film: Inglourious Basterds)

 

Pretty enthusiastic, huh? Rest assured he gets his scalps. Hey! Did you guys see Brian?

A blend of creativity and character is often topped well with great intellect, and Tarantino has made it aware that his mama didn’t raise no fool. For not even going to film school, (which is extremely impressive judging by how successful he is) he’s had quite the share of intelligent scenes. In the scene below, Tarantino (through the character Calvin Candie portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio) demonstrates a dysfunctional and unfortunate examination of Phrenology. SPOILER Django and Schultz are close to finally reuniting Broomhilda (Django’s wife) with Django by tricking Calvin that they’re interested in buying mandingo slaves, However Calvin (along with the help of his house slave Stephen) eventually is on to the protagonist’s further displaying that he doesn’t like to be taken for a fool.

WARNING: May be offensive to some

 

Wow! let’s bring it back. Talk about intense. So as offensive as that can be, i dont think anyone can deny how brilliant that scene is. Also kudos to Leo for that acting, he’s come a long way from growing pains. Haven’t ya Leo?

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Aww we love you too.

I know i haven’t said much but you can probably understand at least a little bit now why every film student or movie fan get’s a hard on when they hear the name Quentin Tarantino. When you watch his movies you know you’re in for surprises, fun, and satisfaction overall. The self confessed movie fanatic has made it known time and time again for 20 years that he’s a force to be reckoned with. And yet again proving it by winning an academy award. So go out, buy his movies, get a Tarantino T-shirt, Hell! Buy a Tarantino mask even. Actually no dont do that. He’s not exactly easy on the eyes, but if i were that talented im sure i wouldn’t care if i looked like i was hit by a mack truck.

Quentin, you deserve that award. Now go home and make love to it. Thank you for providing Cinema with great films for 20 years.

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You give a film kid like me hope!

Keep on rocking friends. Thank’s for reading!