I received some distressing news recently Fuicazoids. My older sister Carolyn has been doing some research on our family history and it turns out that we have some viking ancestor’s down the line.
With this news, i also found out that some of my relatives were genetically gifted with “viking strength.” You would think that this is pretty awesome, but does it look like i was gifted with viking strength? No. I think i was gifted with the “let’s show the world that God has a sense of humor.” trait. BUT you know who was gifted with it? Carolyn. It all makes sense now why she’s so strong. Unfortunately for me, double X chromosomes over here got the better hand of toughness over yours truly. I try to avoid arm wrestling challenges in public because im afraid of her beating me. Not “if” she would beat me. She would totes win. Something’s not right here.
When she first told me i said, “How come i don’t have viking strength like you?” and then she humbly said, “Some of us were just gifted with it.” Because Carolyn is very kind, and would say something like that so i wouldn’t feel sad.
In my mind…..
Daniel: “How come i don’t have viking strength like you?” Carolyn: “LOL if you were put here to serve any purpose at all, it would be to wash my clothes and rub my nasty feets!” Daniel: “Eww! You already don’t pay me to sort your knick knacks, why would i bother to do that?” Carolyn: “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice squib. Now get rubbing!” Daniel: “Maaa! Do something about this!” Mom: “I was obligated to have you.”
Isn’t everything so much better in my mind?
This is so unfair! It doesn’t make sense that my sister is the strongest one in our family. This really got me thinking about myself. I need to step up my game. I need to prove myself to society that i’m no chicken wing. (chicken wing?)
I could start working out? Nah, at my height id walk around looking like a meatball. Bon Appetit! I could fake my way to physical masculinity actually. Make people think that im y’know…tough. Just like Spongebob with his anchor arms. No hair feature this time. And i have just the plan. This will make a statement to all you girl scouts.
…..No? Still not convinced!? You guys really play hard to get.
Much discussion is going on in the Fuica household regarding strength. Turns out, the “weakest” ones voted in my family are my little sister Karen….and I. Oh, HELLS NO. There is no way on God’s green earth that Tiffany (youngest sister) is stronger than i am, and Paulie? Seriously? LOL.
“Hey, i might not be strong but i have endurance!” – Karen. Those are wise words beyond your age sister, too bad you possess little endurance. Endurance is the ability to stay active for a long period of time, and I can’t even count how many times you’ve fallen asleep on me during a movie, (with drool if im lucky) and if i don’t get that, than i get the more than occasional “Daannieellll whats going ooooon?”
FOR THE LOVE OF JEBUS WOMAN WATCH THE FILM AND YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE REVEALED. In conclusion, negative endurance. You lack, YOU LACK!
She’s so sweet, God bless her heart. But seriously. Freakin’ pay attention to the movie better or gtfo. And that doesn’t stand for “Get the fudge out.”
Although seriously, bring out the fudge. i can go for some fudge at any time. Fudge is freaking delicious.
I firmly stand behind the belief that i am indeed very masculine. Just last week i watched the the Dawson’s Creek series finale and cried for only 40 minutes, that’s really saying something. Not many could hold their liquor like that, and you BEST believe that my face scruff grows a decent half inch every 3 weeks. Impressed?
As a matter of fact, i guarantee that underneath all the typical male bravado that the average “dude” will showcase, there’s a sensitive, Notebook embracing, cuddle encouraging softie struggling to express himself. Every man has it hidden, i kid you not! But that’s not shown because theres some need to make a statement in a society that demands “man”. Well i have no problem admitting that im a sensitive dude. Does that make me less of a man? Hells no. I believe honesty, genuine care, intuition, and comfort with who you are and what you enjoy determines true strength. And strength is what the “masculine” man should possess. Not throwing around one of those foosballs. So in a way, me being open with my sensitivity makes me stronger and more masculine than most of the jokers out there. That includes you Chuck Liddell!
Screw you and your poser Faux hawk!
Masculinity isn’t about shooting hoops, packing heat, or scoring chicks (pervert!) Masculinity is about being true to who you are!
That’s what makes you beautiful. And THAT’S what makes you masculine!
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Seriously though if it bothers you that much than just get a Mom tattoo. Easiest trick in the book.